So animalistic and violent – the push and pressure, the blood, the cranking and stretching of flesh and organ and bone. After the final push, she thought that here in this delivery room we are briefly and brutishly reduced to the animals we truly are.
In the media, childbirth is often seen as this wonderous moment. But through Zikora’s eyes we see that isn’t always the case. Why do you think childbirth is depicted this way?
What do you think of Kwame’s lack of car now knowing that he has a child in the world? Was it wrong Zikora to assume that Kwame would come around to the idea of having a child when the baby was born?
When Zikora shares about her first love, it feels like a common experience. Do you agree that in this kind of love, it “had to feel like hunger to be true”?
Zikora’s first pregnancy contradicts her second. In the first she felt that the baby was an “alien, uninvited… an infestation”. After completing the abortion procedure, Zikora states that she “felt light from relief, weightless, unburdened”. What do you think of this contrast to her second pregnancy?
Zikora, through reflection of her past, views her mother in a new light. Do you think that by having her own child, she will come to understand her mother’s decisions and forge a better bond with her?
What do you think of Zikora’s mom offering to phone Kwame’s parents. This is one of the many helping hands Zikora’s mom has given.
During this time, Zikora and her mother have shared many secrets. The first was Zikora’s first pregnancy and the second big secret was when Zikora’s mother shared about her hysterectomy and the lack of miscarriages. How will this impact their relationship? Zikora stated she was seeing her mother as a person for the first time. Do you think her mother is seeing her in a new light as well?
Immediately the difference between Chia and Zikora’s and Kadiatou’s are. Chia and Zikora have what are seen as large, but common, dreams. While in Kadiatou’s chapters we learn that her sister’s dreams are simpler. “Binta was born dreaming, always talking of other places, other worlds, where girls went to school and clean water gushed from taps”. Binta’s dreams were Chia and Zikora’s reality. Do you think Kadi sees a bit of Binta in Chia?
Do you think that despite how close Binta and Kadi were, there was a part of Kadi that was jealous of Binta’s bravery to not conform to the traditional roles? Kadi speaks of a light that enters some of the older women’s eyes in the village when Binta is around.
In Zikora’s chapters we read about her baby’s circumcision. Zikora’s biggest concern is that she does not wish to cause her baby pain. It is very different from Kadi’s chapter where both her and Binta are cut. Both are forced to endure the pain. Is Zikora’s concern from a place of privilege? Do you think the girls should have been more informed of what it meant to be cut?
Do you think if there was more readily available information on women’s health, Binta’s fate may have been different?
Do you think now with the pressure of being the first-born daughter and the pressure of bringing glory to her mother, Kadi will break out of the traditional mould like Binta?
7 responses to “Dream Count – Day Four”
-
1. The media’s classic portrayal of childbirth as a wonderous moment creates security for future mothers. It is glamourised so as to seem more attractive and attainable. Zikora’s experience is not unique, but more realistic, especially for black African women. Traditionally, men are not allowed in the delivery room (most men don’t care about this anymore) and the mother is constantly patronised during the delivery. Adichie’s realistic writing gives us a better depiction of the act: it doesn’t have to be glamorous to be effective. This contrast doesn’t diminish the beauty of childbirth, but rather enhances it: like a rose growing through concrete.
2. Kwame seemed ideal as a partner, but maybe Z romanticised him too much. His indifference to their child at odds with everything we know about him through her eyes. Perhaps Zikora could have handled the situation better and her presumption was wrong.
3. First love is always intense. However, the hyperbole often used to describe it is as juvenile as the infatuation. I don’t agree that love had to feel like hunger to be true as this creates an unfair pedestal that may never be reachable later in life, creating a shifting goalpost much like Chiamaka did with Nnamdi.
4. Zikora’s first pregnancy was an “accident” – a horrible encounter with a horrible partner. There was no security and no stability; even Zikora was unfazed and thought the idea of pregnancy was ludicrous. She had no desire for motherhood at all at the time, hence her feeling of an alien infestation.
In contrast, her second pregnancy is wanted and welcome – the opposite of alien. This time she has desires of motherhood and feels the weight of time against her fertility.5. Absolutely! Zikora’s own motherhood has humanised her mother. This new understanding between the two women is already breaking thawing the ice between them. Zikora’s mother is also more open to communicating. I believe this is a watershed moment for mother and daughter as they both care for the new addition to the family.
6. Had this happened earlier in the book, it would have been a red flag; however this now feels more like genuine concern. I think Z’s mom understands her daughter’s aversion to conflict and offers to do this for her.
7. I believe their honesty with each other will broaden their relationship. It will not be easy, but I also believe that Zikora’s mother is also seeing her as a woman and not a little girl anymore. This shift in perception now puts them on equal footing: two women navigating motherhood through challenging circumstances.
8. This might explain Kadiatou’s fondness for Chia! Perhaps if Binta had lived, she might have also travelled the world as Chia is always doing. She might also see Chiamaka as a blueprint for her own daughter who now has every opportunity her mother can afford to gift.
9. Sibling rivalry is definitely possible. Binta was headstrong and capable, even at a young age. I can see why that might foster resentment, but Kadi’s warm recollections make me doubt any jealousy.
10. Any body modification is life-changing and informed consent cannot be considered privilege, but in this case it is. Zikora is in a place to refuse her son’s circumcision, without fear of repercussions. Binta and Kadi’s mother could not have enjoyed the same privilege even if she thought cutting was wrong. It is sad that the girls were not given a choice, despite being able to consent. They should have been informed about everything and allowed the chance to decline the procedure as Binta was probably wanting to do.
11. Healthcare is very unkind to women. Women’s issues are not studied enough scientifically nor medically. Symptoms are often dismissed and diagnosed as hysteria. This is not a geographical problem – it is a global thorn! Women all over the world experience medical misogyny, unfortunately. Binta would have survived had things been different.
12. Kadiatou is still very traditional at heart – and that is not a bad thing. She just sees things through a different lens, slightly more restricted. I don’t think she will break out of the traditional mould so much as find her place in the world.
-
I think it is dangerous and unwise to rely so heavily on another person, to describe love in this way, in my view, is unwise.
The exchange between Zikora and her mum was a special moment. I am convinced that once we bring life into this world, and take o the responsibility of raising our children we will be more sympathetic to our partners and I think we will have a lot more respect and admiration for them, as well. I think having a child changes you, it ought to.
This is a remarkable revelation, our dreams are the realities of others. Knowing this none of us should take for granted where we are, and what we have. It’s important to want to mature and grow from year to year, but we should never resent our simple beginnings.
I do think Kadi sees Binta in Chia. I don’t think there was any jealousy, maybe an observation of what she lacked and hoped she had but I don’t sense any jealousy or resentment.
I don’t think it is a privilege, it’s a choice made by the mother concerning her child. If her son aged and decided to undergo the procedure, he could. Parents have the responsibility to make choices and decisions concerning their children, that may or may not be the same choices and decisions their children would make.
Healthcare has never prioritised women, or even the study of menstruation and its possible health benefits.
-
1. Honestly if the dark scary side was portrayed women wouldn’t want to put themselves through it.
2. I don’t think it was an assumption, it was a hope.
3. It’s social media/media’s view of what it’s “meant” to be.
4. It was wanted, planned, she was older, more mature. And in what she thought was a happy relationship.
5. No, not necessarily.
6. I’m not close to my parents, I would see it as interfering. Not helpful. They’re adults.
7. I felt sorry for her mom, I think it did shed new light.
8. Maybe because of her scholarly ambitions.
9. She may have been envious, and the last piece of the chapter confirms it, she feels she won’t measure up.
10. I don’t think it should be considered a privilege to refuse it, it should be consensual and they should have been told what theirs entailed.
11. I don’t know, even with information women’s health is neglected and considered not worth the research and effort.
12. It depends on her core personality, she needs to remain true to herself and not try to fill her sister’s shoes.
-
the human body has a tendency to forget pain. even after the pain there is still joy. We would have more kids if we didn’t. In this case the media likes to spin the happy side.
Kwame does not want the responsibility of a child, he really just doesn’t seem to care. not a nice guy. i feel so sorry for Zikora as she seems to still really love him,
that’s one way to describe first love, its the need to feel love, the same as hunger need food to satisfy.
I was shocked at her for having an abortion, giving that all she seemed to want was to have children. She was very young when she first feel pregnant and she still had some much more she wanted to, so the relief is understandable.
I think their bond will strengthen as she really needs her mom now.
I think it was great for her to offer, I’m sure Kwame’s parents would want to meet their grandchild.
Yes I think the bond will strengthen as they are being open and honest wiht each other.
Yes I think she could see some of Chia in Binta, they both wanted more form life.
I don’t think Kadi was jealous, I think she just wished she could be more outgoing and not so introverted.
I do think they should have been more informed as to what it meant to be cut, but understanding why they weren’t told because they probably would not have wanted to do it. what women would want to voluntarily do that.
Yes i think knowledge on women’s health could have helped. The doctors should be up to date though.
I’m not sure if she will, it’s not her personality.
-
1. To show the hush reality of many women because truly it’s not always rosy for all women. I also love that men reading this book will possibly have an appreciation for childbirth something that most of them think is easy and painless.
2. If a men doesn’t love you not matter what happens even if you birth him a son he will still not love you. I’m not mad at Zikora she was really hopeful but unfortunately things didn’t work out as she had planned.
3. Definitely not. Love is great but it shouldn’t be an intense longing because once it gets that way it becomes toxic.
4. It happens really. When a woman isn’t ready she will definitely feel that she is better off without her baby but when she is ready she will be willing to even die for her baby.
5. Motherhood will definitely help her understand some of her mothers decisions better but I think this change of heart is mostly due to her being older and understanding certain things better and seeing things that she was oblivious to growing up.
6. I think it was such a previous gesture. She was shielding Zikora from the hurt that she knew would come if she had made that call herself.
7. I think it will strengthen their relationship and definitely make them stronger. I also think this comes at a great time when they book need each other most.
8. While Chia came from money Binta didn’t but one can say they had similar dreams. To see the world and follow their hearts.
9. I don’t think I’d call it jealousy as such but there was definitely that thing that stood out to Kadiatou, a longing of sorts to be like her sister.
10. Might have been from a place of privilege because there are a lot of things that people endure just because they don’t know better.
11. Most probably and sadly this is the reality of many women to this day.
12. I don’t think losing her sister will change her if anything it might make her continue to doubt herself. -
1. Childbirth is often depicted as a joyful moment in the media because it aligns with cultural ideals of motherhood and the notion that having a baby is the pinnacle of fulfillment. This portrayal reinforces the idea that maternal love is immediate and instinctual, making childbirth seem like a beautiful, transformative experience. However, Adichie presents a more unfiltered perspective, showing the pain, fear, and loneliness that can come with it. The media’s romanticized version often overlooks the physical trauma, emotional turmoil, and lack of support many women face, which can make real experiences feel isolating when they don’t match the idealized narrative.
2. Kwame’s indifference after knowing he has a child in the world speaks volumes about his character. His lack of care suggests a deep selfishness and an unwillingness to take responsibility. Fatherhood, like motherhood, requires effort and commitment, and his absence shows that he never intended to be involved. As for Zikora assuming he would come around, it’s not necessarily wrong—just deeply hopeful. Many people believe that the reality of seeing their child will spark a sense of duty or love, but in Kwame’s case, it’s clear that his detachment wasn’t just temporary hesitation; it was a firm decision to walk away.
3. This idea captures the intensity of first love—how it often consumes every thought and emotion. When we’re young, love can feel like a kind of desperation, as though the depth of our feelings is proven by how much we yearn, ache, or sacrifice. Many people experience this kind of love, mistaking intensity for authenticity. However, as we grow, we learn that true love doesn’t have to be painful or all-consuming; it can be steady, mutual, and fulfilling without the suffering.
4. The first time, Zikora wasn’t truly ready for motherhood—she was in a relationship built on her own need to be loved rather than mutual affection. Her decision to terminate the pregnancy reflected that lack of readiness. In contrast, her second pregnancy happened on her own terms. Even though Kwame rejected her after she revealed the news, she had already longed for a child, making this experience entirely different. She was prepared for motherhood this time, which is why she felt so differently about it.
5. Definitely. Motherhood has a way of reshaping your perspective, especially when it comes to your own parents. Once you become a parent yourself, you begin to understand the weight of their choices in a way you never could before. I think Zikora will gain a deeper appreciation for her mother and possibly find the empathy needed to mend their relationship.
6. I loved that her mother was there for her throughout the labour, even though she expected Zikora to endure it without complaint—her way of showing strength, I suppose. Despite her tough love, she was incredibly supportive, and it was beautiful to witness. As much as Zikora might have wished Kwame were the one by her side, I’m sure she deeply appreciated her mother’s presence. That kind of support is invaluable, especially postpartum, when emotional and physical recovery can be overwhelming.
7. Their relationship was already strained, as we saw in the beginning, and it deteriorated even further after Zikora’s father left. But sometimes, all it takes to begin mending something broken is honest conversation. I think this moment of shared vulnerability might be a turning point for them. Zikora is starting to see her mother as more than just a rigid parental figure, and I’d like to believe that her mother, in turn, is beginning to see Zikora as more than just a child—as a woman navigating her own hardships. This could be the beginning of them truly understanding each other.
8. Definitely. Both Binta and Chia are dreamers, always looking beyond what is in front of them. Kadi might see shades of her sister in Chia’s ambition, though the circumstances of their dreams are vastly different.
9. I don’t think she was jealous of Binta herself, but rather envious of the courage she lacked. Instead of resenting Binta for breaking free, she might have wished she had the strength to do the same. It’s one thing to admire someone’s boldness—it’s another to confront the reality that you don’t have it in yourself.
10. Zikora’s concerns felt less about the circumcision itself and more about pushing back against her mother—almost as if she was looking for another reason to challenge her. As for Kadi and Binta, I don’t think lack of information was the issue. The practice was deeply embedded in their culture, and even if their parents never explicitly told them what to expect, they would have heard about it from others. Kadi, for example, knew it was coming. The real issue wasn’t ignorance but rather the absence of choice.
11. Yes. Access to information always leads to more informed decisions. If Binta had known more about her body and how it could change over time—especially after childbirth—she might have held onto more hope for her future. Maybe she would have seen another path forward instead of the one she took.
12. I highly doubt it. Kadi has dreams, but they aren’t the same as Binta’s. Binta was always reaching for something beyond the world she knew, while Kadi seems more resigned to her reality. She might wish for a different life, but whether she will actively pursue it is another matter entirely.
-
1. I think childbirth is often depicted in a sanitized way because people might believe that sharing the unvarnished truth could detract from its wonder. Additionally, it may be to avoid scaring women who haven’t experienced it yet.
2. I think Kwame is a prick, I don’t have much to say about him. It is just so unfortunate how usual it occurs that men do not care about their own children. On the possibility of him not understanding how contraceptives work, if you do not want a baby then maybe educate yourself a little better. Zikora was not wrong for assuming Kwame might come around, we are hopeful beings.
3. I guess my brain had went to town when she spoke of her first love lol.
4. I think timing played a significant role, the second one felt like it was the perfect timing for her.
5. Absolutely, some experiences can’t be fully understood until we go through them ourselves. Only then do we gair. clarity.
6. As a black African, this is actually a traditional route taken if the couple is unmarried, whether they are together or not. So I fully understand why/ how she could suggest that.
7. I think both mother and daughter will see each other in a new, more positive light, strengthening their bond. ”Sharing a secret is sharing a bond” indeed.
8. I struggled to see how Kadi would view Binta in Chia’ because Binta seemed like a brazen person. While Binta protected Kadi’ and showed her the way, Kadi’ wanted to protect Chia’ and couldn’t understand Chia’s apologetic nature.
9. I wouldn’t say Kadi’ felt jealousy; instead, she acknowledged Binta’s positive influence on her life. If it were jealousy, her reaction to taking Binta’s place in her mother’s heart might have been different.
10. I think Zikora’s concern stems from a place of privilege, where she can afford to be concerned and understanding. The girls deserved to be informed about cutting, its meaning, and why it’s necessary. It’s heartbreaking that choice is often not an option.
11. Definitely, information on women’s health might have changed Binta’s fate.
12. Kadi’ is very much rooted in who she is and I don’t see her trying to break out of the traditional mould to try and be like Binta.
Leave a Reply