[W]ith life dried down to a spartan state that seems purer, truer, stripped of excess, as if the earth is telling us that there is so much we do not need.
In both Chia and Omelogor’s POV (point of view), there is the pressure of securing a relationship and having a child. Both aren’t truly celebrated in their communities for their careers. Why are women often forced to have both a career and a family when it is not their choice? Why do familial communities place the importance of starting a family over a successful career?
What do you think of Aunty Jane’s comment of Omelogor’s life being empty?
Actually, Aunty Jane, I do like my life. I flail for meaning sometimes, maybe too often, but it is a full life, and a life I own. I have learned this of myself, that I cannot do without people and I cannot do without stretches of sustained isolation. To be alone is not always to be lonely. Sometimes I withdraw for weeks merely to be with myself, and I sink into reading, my life’s great pleasure, and I think, and I enjoy the silence of my own musings.
In this quote, Omelogor is very accessible to readers. We can all relate to the need to just be by yourself and get lost in a good book. However, Omelogor has the privilege to do this over a couple of weeks. Do you think we will find more accessible moments but still be kept at a distance?
When Omelogor talks about her friends, she doesn’t mention Chia. What do you think of this?
Dream Count has a reflective element to it. Some part of the book take place before the pandemic and others after. What do you think of the comments made by Omelogor’s friends about the pandemic? Do you recall having similar conversations?
When Omelogor speaks with Atasi about the influence of the internet, you can even see the influence of other people in Omelogor’s words. Do you think when it comes to body image, there is such thing as an uninfluenced view?
Does Jide remind you of someone in your life? Omelogor describes him as a gesturer and not a finisher.
Omelogor brings up interesting questions regarding Kadi’s case. What do you think of her statements about the reporters? And about the wife of the person who assaulted Kadi?
In the fourth chapter of Omelogor’s story she shares her sentiment for the village. She describes the smell and atmosphere of the village. Do you have a place that brings forward similar memories and emotions?
What do you think of Omelogor’s Robyn Hood scheme? Do you think this is what she offered to Kadi previously?
Omelogor experiences first hand women tearing down other women. She talks of how people would say she slept her way to the top. What do you think drives this toxic mentality?
Do you think that there is something more to Omelogor and Hauwa’s relationship that is not written on the page?
The first time we read about a man in Omelogor’s life is in chapter five. She refers to the man as “Big Man” and that in itself feels like an inside joke. What do you think of her relationship with this person?
When Omelogor talks about Chijioke, she says he was the one man she could’ve loved. Why do you think she closed herself off from this relationship?
Omelogor is different from Chia. Her money comes from herself whereas Chia’s comes from her parents. Chia never talks about how money has affected her life but with Omelogor, she reveals how addicting it is to have money. What do you think of this?
9 responses to “Dream Count – Day Seven”
-
1. That’s truly all they know and how things have been done since the beginning of time. Women’s main job was always to be a mother and take care of her home and family and only later did women start working and also earning a living for themselves. Thus, it’s still so difficult for society to see women with no children as equally important as those with children. (Maybe important isn’t the right word but I hope it makes sense 🙈)
2. A full life to her is one with children and I don’t blame her for that. I do however blame her for protecting because she is assuming that a life with children would make Omelogor happy.
3. Yes, Omelogor is a semi opened book like I know her but I still feel like I don’t really know her. Her POV has been the most confusing for me.
4. I don’t see anything wrong in this Chai is her cousin after all. It took me a while to understand that family can also be considered friends.
5. I definitely remember the confusion and uncertainty of it all. Sometimes I wonder what life really was like before COVID because it seems like it came and only left us with memories of what life was like during that time and what we hoped for after.
6. I personally don’t think so. I feel like the only reason we don’t like or we like certain things about our bodies is because we have the reference that is other people.
7. I definitely know a few people like that. People that are good at planting ideas in your mind but never following through.
8. They are valid questions and it’s something that we do a lot when someone does something we tend to also come for the people in their lives but honestly it’s such a bad thing to go for people that are not part of the problem and expect them to carry that burden.
9. Unfortunately not.
10. I definitely think this is what was offered to Kadi and thus I felt like there is more to it than what she is communicating.
11. How we’ve been conditioned and how women are seen as not being capable enough to achieve success without the help of men.
12. I think so. Something tells me they probably liked each other but didn’t want to explore anything.
13. I just felt that this guy was a waste of her time honestly.
14. He was not as manly as she desired. I also think one needs to be a very strong character to be able to be with Omelogor.
15. It’s not money Chai worked for so it would make sense. As for Omelogor as someone who didn’t come from money I can imagine how once you get a taste of it you’d want more and more and thus get sentiments on money. -
1. Women are often expected to balance both career and family responsibilities due to societal norms, cultural expectations, and historical gender roles. Traditional gender roles have historically prioritized caregiving and domestic duties for women, while men were seen as breadwinners. Societal pressure from familial communities, social networks, and cultural norms emphasize the importance of starting a family, particularly for women. Economic factors, lack of support systems, and patriarchal norms also contribute to women being pushed into family-oriented roles, even if they prefer to focus on their careers.
2. Aunt Jane’s intrusive personality is overwhelming, as she disregards Omelogor’s professional accomplishments and inadvertently undermines her confidence and autonomy. While it’s natural for adults to worry about their children, Aunt Jane’s approach is invasive and unlikeable.
3. I think as the story progresses, we may see more glimpses into Omelogor’s inner world, but the author may also maintain a level of detachment by highlighting the differences between Omelogor’s life and the reader’s. This could create a sense of observational distance, where we’re invited to observe Omelogor’s life without fully inhabiting their world.
4. “Chia is easy to love, but has she not been, I would’ve loved her still. Sometimes two humans have spirits fully at rest with each other and lucky for us we are also related.”
When mentioning her friends, Omelogor doesn’t mention Chia because theirs is beyond friendship.5. These conversations about personal experiences and relationships resonate with me, reminding me of similar discussions l’ve had with my own loved ones.
6. It’s unlikely that anyone has a completely uninfluenced view of body image, as we’re constantly bombarded with societal standards, cultural norms, and media representations that shape our perceptions. From a young age, we’re exposed to images of idealized bodies, whether through advertising, social media, or entertainment, which can create unrealistic expectations and beauty standards. Even if we try to avoid these influences, our personal experiences, relationships, and cultural backgrounds can still shape our attitudes towards body image. As a result, our views on body image are often a complex mix of internalized messages, personal experiences, and societal pressures, making it challenging to achieve a completely uninfluenced perspective.
7. Absolutely, we all have someone who is quite good at starting yet never finishes anything they ever start- ‘a flash in the pan’.
8. Omelogor’s concerns are legitimate, and it’s unfortunate that innocent parties are being drawn into the issue. However, it’s a common societal phenomenon for people to try to connect the dots and make sense of a situation by involving those associated with the individuals at the center of the controversy. This tendency stems from our natural desire for clarity, understanding, and often, a sense of justice or accountability.
9. Yes, a place that brings similar memories and emotions for me has to be in nature. Being in nature envelopes one in serenity, like a soothing bowl for the soul. It has you feeling so small yet connected to something greater.
10. The Robyn Hood Scheme sounds like a life altering opportunity and to read of the transformation it has made filled my heart with joy. Initially, I thought she might’ve funded Kadi’ from her own pocket but reading of the scheme I did think this is what was offered to Kadi’.
11. The toxic mentality of women tearing down other women, as experienced by Omelogor, is often driven by a complex mix of societal, cultural, and psychological factors. One key driver is the internalization of patriarchal norms and biases, which can lead women to view each other as competition for limited resources, attention, and power. This scarcity mindset can foster a sense of resentment and jealousy, causing women to belittle and undermine one another. Additionally, the pervasive objectification and sexualization of women can lead to the perpetuation of damaging stereotypes, such as the notion that a woman’s success must be attributed to her sexual exploits rather than her abilities. These factors can create a toxic environment where women feel compelled to tear each other down in order to survive and thrive
12. Reading about their relationship suggests that there may be more to it than meets the eye. Omelogor seems to be keeping her cards close to her chest regarding this relationship.
13. I knew the relationship was doomed from the start because he had a warped mentality, believing his wealth and influence entitled him to get whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted it. He was the type to make grand, sweeping promises, trying to sweep Omelogor off her feet with visions of a lavish lifestyle. However, what he failed to realize was that Omelogor was a strong, independent individual, more than capable of creating her own success and happiness. She didn’t need his promises of “heaven and earth”.
14. She further said he was her type, however, when she met him she didn’t feel that rising force, that burst of raw excitement. This suggests that she found him boring.
15. The contrast between Omelogor and Chia highlights the complexities of wealth and its impact on individuals. Omelogor, who wasn’t born into privilege, candidly admits to the addictive nature of wealth, revealing a deeper understanding of its psychological and emotional effects. Her experiences are relatable and humanize the often-taboo topic of wealth. In contrast, Chia, who was born with a silver spoon, remains detached, incapable of comparing her life to anything else, as privilege has always been her norm, making it difficult for her to appreciate the differences wealth makes.
-
1. Women have been seen as the nurturer, homemaker and caregiver and society still expects that of women, still today even if she has a career. It was initially frowned upon if women chose a career over family. Families wanted heir’s and women needed to produce these heirs. so it was more important than a career. Financially their is also pressure for women to work to provide for the family.
2. Children to bring joy into family even with the bad/challenging days and Omelogor’s aunty feel like she is missing out on that joy.
3. I still feel there a pieces missing from the other characters so I sure will get the same with Omelagor’s story.
4. I was surprised with this maybe she doesn’t feel their relationship is a close a Chai does. The are cousins and have been a family gatherings where their relationship developed.
5. Covid was a shock to the whole world and I know people were hoping it would only be isolated to certain countries.
6. I definitely feel it come back to body image when we talk about influencers and seems to give them the power to influence that’s why its grown into such a big industry.
7. We a all come across people with big ideas but never take action or start and never finish.
8. I think her points are valid. Reports job is find the story and they will follow any lead they can find.
9. Yes my happy place being in the bush surrounded by nature.
10. If you have money it gives you so many opportunity to bless others, her Robin hood scheme is wonderful and yes i think she offered it to Kadi.
11. I think jealousy of tern drives this mentality.
12. i think Hauwa had a big ego and he just loves portray how wonderful he is. Not giving Omelogor any credit for her sucess.
13. She didn’t really connect with him.
14. They had a difference in morals and i don’t she felt good enough for him.
15. Money open doors for opportunities and experiences you otherwise wouldn’t have and I think they both see and understand this.
-
1. Legacy and the family name often take prescendent over personal choice. Society has been conditioned to believe that the survival of the human race must be achieved at any cost! Women, as childbearers, are unduly pressured; especially with threats of ticking biological clocks. Families often want to carry their genes and name through the generations.
2. I am ashamed that Aunty Jane would ever accuse Omelogor’s life of emptiness, just for being childless. Omelogor is making meaningful contributions to society that will outlive any genetic donation!
3. Omelogor is like an onion: layered and complex. This access into her state of mind and character is a privilege. I do believe that we will see more of them, however the full-picture of who Omelogor is, will remain elusive.
4. I do not find Omelogor’s compartmentalizing offensive or unjust. She doesn’t consider Chia as a friend, because she sees their relationship as something more. However, one could also argue that one can pick one’s friends but not their family. Could it be that she is resentful of being stuck with Chiamaka as a friend just because they are cousins?
5. I don’t recall similar conversations, but it is relatable.
6. Everyone is susceptible to influence, whether we realize it or not. Body image is not just influenced by media, but family and self-image. Influence can be both negative and positive: the choice must be our own. I appreciate Omelogor trying for positive influence.
7. Everyone has a Jide in their life, unfortunately. People who bring nothing but chaos but are not dependable in crises.
8. It would be so easy to believe that statements like those reported in the book are purely fictional. However, many have written about assault/rape as sexual transactions where looks and money are contributing factors. It is shameful and depraved. The attacker is celebrated and his achievements are heralded while the real victim is harassed and belittled. They mourn this tarnishing of his reputation without any sense of irony.
Omelogor’s comments on the wife are interesting: she believes her powerful and conscientious enough to attack her husband and laments her gilded cage. She feels sorry for her, yet there is a note of disdain when Omelogor describes her as lovely.9. Home is always where the heart is! The smell is neutral, but it is so familiar.
10. I love the Robyn Hood scheme! It balances out all the Robbin’ Hoods we have seen. I do believe that this is what she offered Kadiatou.
11. Jealousy and envy are the driving force behind humiliating rumours of sleeping your way to the top. We have seen it in the US elections and other high-powered positions.
12. Their relationship raises eyebrows. The descriptions of their interactions usually have a lovers undertone. Obviously, Omelogor trusts her but not enough to trade all her secrets.
13. I didn’t really think much of the Big Man relationship. An unnecessary tangent.
14. She wished she could’ve loved him. This indicates that he represents an ideal: not something concrete and solid. She loved the idea of him, but ultimately he was just too rigid for her. She did not get emotionally invested and there was disappointment in this.
15. Chia has had money all her life and this is why she never mentions it. How do you mention air everytime you inhale? Her security has always been there and she has never known anything else. Omelogor is self-made and has the battle scars to prove it. For her, money is a means to an end: you work and then enjoy the fruits of your labour.
-
1. It stems from the outdated belief that women are meant to have children simply because they can. Historically, women were expected to run the household while men worked, and some cultures and individuals still haven’t fully accepted that times have changed. Women are allowed to choose their own paths—whether that’s a career, a family, or both.
2. It reminds me of Nollywood films where family members constantly interfere in things that don’t concern them. The worst part is that after hearing it, Omelogor starts questioning herself, as if Aunty Jane’s opinion might be true.
3. Yes, Omelogor isn’t easy to read. There are moments where she feels accessible, but there’s always a level of detachment that keeps us from fully knowing her.
4. Chia is more like a sister to her, which is probably why she doesn’t include her in the same category as her other friends.
5. Of course, there was a lot of fear and uncertainty. I remember family members with young children refusing visitors, and if you absolutely had to come over, they’d make you scrub and scrub and scrub your whole body with hot water, lol.
6. Yes, but it’s incredibly difficult. When all you see online are people with “perfect” bodies, it takes a lot of self-awareness to form an opinion that isn’t shaped by those ideals.
7. Not really.
8. I actually don’t remember what those statements were.
9. Yes, the bundus. Life there is slower compared to the city, and I enjoy visiting every chance I get.
10. What she did was technically wrong, but it was for a good cause. And yes, that’s exactly what she offered Kadi.
11. Jealousy and a lack of critical thinking. Some women struggle to accept that other women can succeed on their own.
12. Definitely
13. I don’t think it’s an inside joke. “Big Man” is a term used in places like Nigeria—it can mean someone with influence, wealth, or, in older contexts, a warrior leader. That’s probably what she’s referencing.
14. When Chijioke was mentioned, I wasn’t sure if he had been introduced earlier or who he was, since this book has a lot of supporting characters. But I think she distanced herself because she didn’t believe she was capable of love.
15. Chia has likely never spent a day without financial security, so she doesn’t think about it. Omelogor, on the other hand, has experienced both wealth and struggle, which is why she understands how powerful money can be.
-
1. unfortunately it’s societies expectations and women are seen as selfish if they don’t follow the norms that have been set for them.
2. I think it was a horrible thing to say. Just because her life has things “missing” doesn’t mean her life is empty.
3. I don’t know that we will get to know her, but I side with her on this it is lovely to withdraw at times. I don’t think she wants to be known.
4. I think her first thought is Chia is family and that’s in the front of her mind. She separates family from friends.
5. Yes, i had similar fears. I think the comments were valid. It was a time where not much was known and there was plenty to fear because of it.
6. I don’t think in this day and age there is such a thing. There is always an influence somewhere. Social media just accentuates it even more.
7. I know plenty of people like that, starters but not finishes.
8. I think sometimes the person married to the assaulter really doesn’t know pr doesn’t want to know. And other times they’re relieved in a way to get a respite from the abuse themselves.
9. I don’t think I do.
10. I have questions. I think it’s possible what she offered Kadi.
11. Again it’s societies impressions of women and how they “can’t” do anything without men, so in their minds she had to be doing favours to get to where she was.
14. I think she’s scared of being known and seen, she puts up a front.
15. You always want what you didn’t or don’t have and if you obtain it it becomes an addiction. If you struggled and now things are easier you are always fearful things will return to how they were and you’ll do anything to prevent struggle again.
-
Societal norms often prioritize marriage and motherhood over personal success for women. Families and communities see starting a family as a marker of stability and fulfillment, reinforcing traditional gender roles.
Aunty Jane’s comment of Omelogor’s life being empty, reflects societal bias—that fulfillment only comes from marriage and children. It dismisses Omelogor’s personal achievements and happiness.
Actually, Aunty Jane, I do like my life. I flail for meaning sometimes, maybe too often, but it is a full life, and a life I own. I have learned this of myself, that I cannot do without people and I cannot do without stretches of sustained isolation. To be alone is not always to be lonely. Sometimes I withdraw for weeks merely to be with myself, and I sink into reading, my life’s great pleasure, and I think, and I enjoy the silence of my own musings.
This passage captures the balance between social connection and solitude. It’s a relatable feeling, though not everyone has the privilege of extended time alone. She is reflective and accessible in moments, but her independence may keep her emotionally distant from readers and other characters.This omission suggests their friendship has faded, or that Chia wasn’t as significant in Omelogor’s life as others were.
Omelogor’s friends’ reflections on the pandemic mirror real-life experiences—uncertainty, fear, and shifts in social values. Many people likely had similar discussions.
An uninfluenced view on body image is nearly impossible. Media, society, and personal experiences all shape self-perception.
Jide represents people who talk big but fail to act. Most people know someone who makes grand promises but never follows through.
Her skepticism toward reporters reflects how media often sensationalizes rather than supports victims. Her thoughts on the attacker’s wife suggest sympathy or critique of women who defend abusive men.
Her description of the village evokes nostalgia. Many people have places that bring back deep emotions tied to childhood or personal history.
Omelogor’s Robyn Hood scheme, her financial schemes seem ethically questionable but rooted in helping others. This could be what she previously offered Kadi—a way to fight injustice through unconventional means.
Internalized misogyny and societal competition often drive this toxic mentality, making women feel they must discredit each other to succeed.
There are hints of an unspoken connection—perhaps emotional closeness or romantic undertones—that aren’t fully explored in the text.
Calling him “Big Man” adds humour and distance, suggesting a casual or transactional relationship rather than deep emotional attachment
Omelogor understands money’s power because she earned it, making her more aware of its addictive nature. Chia, having always had financial security, doesn’t reflect on it the same way.
-
1. Societal norms dictate that women’s role is to be a wife and mother. Their value is not placed in any achievements beyond their ability to birth and raise children, be a dutiful wife and nurture a “happy” nuclear family. While we have come a long way in defying these norms, it continues to permeate society, especially in more cultural communities.
2. Aunty Jane represents the typical black/brown aunt who remains steadfast (and almost brainwashed) in believing and upholding traditional standards, most of which are deeply patriarchal. Even her name “Jane” makes me think of the generic Jane Doe or “Plain Jane” – she represents the generic cultural aunty. I was most heartbroken to see how her words affected Omelogor.
3. Who knows? But I am ready to find out.
4. Chia is her cousin before she is her friend. I am not surprised that Chia is not mentioned when talking about her friend group.
5. Yes! The conversations set during the early pandemic days has an eerie realism to it. These were the exact kinds of conversations floating about back then!
6. This is a thought-provoking question…. I think most, if not all, of our views are influenced in one way or the other.
7. I do know of people like Jide. He is an interesting character to read about.
8. I think the whole way this case was portrayed felt very real. Reporters are exactly like that. In terms of the wife, it is clear Omelogor’s views are biased and tinged by a sense of distaste. It is like she is both sympathetic and bitter about the woman, which is interesting because Omelogor appears as a natural born feminist and women supporter.
9. Many places from my childhood fill me with such warm and wistful memories and emotions, despite their obvious imperfections.
10. I am pretty sure this is what she offered Kadi previously and even though it is technically illegal, I LOVE HER FOR IT <3 Omelogor is so badass.
11. Gosh, I think it's just centuries of indoctrination and patriarchal conditioning that has even women undervaluing and belittling each other.
12. I was thinking this!!! I believe that what Omelogor feels for Hauwa is more than just friendship, but I don't think she herself realizes this. I would've loved their relationship to be explored more.
13. It was a strange relationship, especially based on what we are told about Omelogor's personality. It felt almost experimental to me, as if she was trying to "test" something but never fully interested in the relationship.
14. I think she cares about him deeply but could not find it in herself to truly love him the way he deserved to be loved. Perhaps Omelogor's closing off to Chijoke also involves a bit of fear and self-sabotage.
15. Their views on money are naturally going to be different based on their circumstances and upbringing. Chia is very open with Omelogor so this must be how she really feels.
-
To be honest, I think there has been a shift in recent years, especially in the West. There are many women who have decided to not participate in traditional roles and focus on their careers.
I do think we can make time for the things that are important to us. If you feel reading decompresses you then prioritise making time for you, if it’s exercise, or taking a walk, do that. You’re the only person who knows what you need and when you need it. We need to normalise advocating for ourselves in the parameters set out for us by the societies we live in.
Ofc, having lived the pandemic and spoken to my own friends about it, I know there were different experiences of it. So yes, I do recall similar conversations.
Absolutely not, the influence of the internet has had an influence on body imagine and so many other “human conditions”.
The reporting and comments by the wife are DIABOLICAL.
Sadly not, at least not positive memories.
I think we’ve all been there where we want to be the peoples champion but I don’t think we can justify doing bad for the greater good. I really struggle to buy into that narrative.
It has always fascinated me why women insist on being in competition with each other. I think what drives it is that there is this concept of the ‘male gaze’ and I think it originates from the idea that women had to make them favourable to men who would take them from their families and provide and protect for them.
People don’t want to expose themselves to the possibility of rejection or misunderstanding.
I do think when you make your own money you have a greater value of money, though I don’t think this is a true for all people statement.
Leave a Reply