Chapter Ten starts off with the unexpected. Daniel, the person Farah had loved but who didn’t love her back, was in Joburg. What would you do in this situation if you were Farah?
Farah asks herself if she really loved Daniel or if she had only been obsessed with the idea of him. Which one do you think was true? Is the same thing happening with Zaid?
Do you think Farah was out of line when she asked Zaid how much longer she has to deal with people?
Was Farah’s reaction to Uncle Momo fair?
Why do you think Farah goes immediately from mourning her mother to talking about weight-loss?
Farah experiences decision paralysis and physical paralysis. What do you think of how this is impacting her life?
Zaid and Farah share a kiss in Chapter Eleven. What do you make of this?
Do you think Zaid’s answer to Farah’s question of happiness was a placating answer? Or do you think that in this moment he was being genuine?
In Chapter Twelve, Farah tells us that she loves Zaid and she felt loved by him. Do you think Zaid loves her?
When Farah confronts Zaid about his feelings, he runs away claiming there is a game. The true reason is revealed later in the chapter. What do you think of this revelation?
Do you think the change after the break up is going to stick? What do you think of the effort Farah is putting in?
4 responses to “Why Am I Like This? Day Four”
-
I would ignore him completely and not indulge his nonsense.
I think she just wants validation and is extremely lonely with low self-esteem hence her choice in men and the whole wearing her heart on her sleeve thing. So it could be the idea of them but more like seeking comfort from them.
So I don’t remember details as we read this book a while ago but I’m gonna assume it was meant for her mother’s funeral and people being in and out. I think it was rude of her considering people came to support her in her time of need but I also understand her being exhausted and just wanting to grieve alone and in private.
She could have handled it better…
Again it ties to her self-issues. The grief hurts and it makes her think she needs to be worthy so she goes back to her weightloss problem as well as probably to keep herself busy and have a goal to focus back on.
Its very sad indeed. Poor Farah. Its definitely making her life harder.
I was kinda annoyed honestly coz like what are you bloody hell doing,Zaid?
That man doesn’t know what he is doing and he is dragging Farah down with his indecision.Zaid operates on the “placate Farah and say whatever to keep her within my orbit but on my terms” plane. As we see more of him, he just annoys me and I can see how toxic he actually is.
In his own screwed up version he does but not in a way she deserves or is healthy. Its not a clear cut situation. Its very messy and icky.
Zaid should have just come clean a long time ago instead of playing mind games and to think you assume he’d be mature considering he is a father but alas.
Maybe, maybe not. Its nice to see Farah attempting to fix her life and all of her efforts.
-
1. I would have accepted his condolences and given him my appreciation for being there but ignored him and kept my distance otherwise. He does not deserve to expect more of her! And she should leave the past in the past.
2. I can’t say for sure because I am not her and don’t know the full extent of her feelings. I do think that in both situations she is more in love with the idea of them than who they are. However, I do feel like things are a bit different with Zaid. Daniel did not seem to give much indication that he viewed her romantically, while Zaid does seem to be more flirtatious.
3. Absolutely not. Grief is exhausting. For many, being around so many people, despite their good intentions, makes it even more exhausting.
4. It may not have been entirely fair to Uncle Momo, but Farah was speaking from a place of intense pain and grief, so I don’t understand her reaction.
5. Low self-esteem has its way of forcing itself into all situations. It is also common to redirect one’s attention to something else when suffering from such immense loss. An easy object to shift one’s focus on is oneself, which is what Farah is doing here.
6. As frustrating as it is, not making a decision is a decision in itself. Farah’s paralysis has negative consequences on her life.
7. That was unexpected! My opinion of Zaid completely changed at that point. To think he took advantage of her in her vulnerable position, despite knowing he cannot commit, makes me so angry!
8. Yes, I think it was a placating answer. He may have felt a sense of happiness after ‘getting’ Farah, but I don’t think he was genuine about not being “happier”. The whole situation is sickening, and I lost all respect for Zaid in these chapters.
9. I think Zaid himself does not know what he wants. He clearly does not love her enough or PROPERLY.
10. Honestly, I think Zaid is an asshole for messing with Farah’s emotions throughout the book. Perhaps he felt trapped or unfulfilled in his role as husband and father, but using Farah to make up for that lack was vile and toxic.
11. Watching her effort and progress made me really happy for her! I do hope it sticks, but we also know that recovery is not linear and the journey of self-discovery is forever.
-
Farah was way more composed than I would’ve been if it were me. I would’ve kicked him out of my mother’s funeral if it were me. It’s already a stressful and overwhelming day and now she must deal with his nonsense? There’s no way.
I think she was in love with the idea of him, and the fantasy of their relationship that she’d built in her head. I think she may be doing the same with Zaid, but at least with Zaid he’s giving her mixed signals that are leading to her hope that it’ll lead to something between them. With Daniel, he wasn’t giving her those same types of signals Zaid is.
No. I think it’s perfectly normal for her to not want to deal with people and their condolences when she just wants to grieve.
I think it was unexpected, but definitely fair. Although Momo and Comrade Zee had a great friendship in their later years that was still full of love, Farah finding out about their romantic history and how he was a coward who still kept Zee in his life… it honestly would’ve set me off too if I was her.
I think it could’ve been a way to focus her energy on something that kept her connected to her mom. If my memory is correct, Farah’s mom always tried to get her to lose weight, take care of herself and get her life together, so I think Farrah’s focus from her mom’s health onto her own (something her mom would do when she was alive) makes Farah delay fully accepting the reality that her mom is gone.
I think it’s both because of her grief and because, even before Zee died, Farah kept trying to come to terms with who she is outside of being her mother’s daughter. So I think her physical and decision paralysis comes from not being able to deal with a reality where her mom is gone and she has to figure out who she is and what she wants out of life now that she isn’t solely focused on her mom and holding onto that relationship.
I thought it was way too soon when I first read it and I still do now. The girl was grieving and latching onto the one emotional connection she had left, but Zaid recognised that and kissed her anyway. He should’ve known better.
I think it was a mixture of both. He was definitely placating her, but I think there is a part of him that cares for her and is concerned for her as she grieves.
From what I remember, I wasn’t convinced that Zaid loved Farah as much as she believed she loved him.
I think it was a smack in the face to both Farah and his ex, considering the amount of time he spent with Farah/ giving her mixed signals and leading her on. It also just made me write off his character and hope Farah takes the time to find value in herself first rather than in these almost-but-not-quite-relationships with these types of guys.
I really hoped it would stick, and I was both proud and optimistic of all of the effort that Farah was starting to put in to bettering herself and her life.
-
1. I would not interact with him at all. That was awkward and I would be too embarassed. Also, I would be angry, because he was also stringing her along.
2. She was definitely obsessed with the idea of him. And yes, the same goes for Zaid.
3. It is kind of rude, but grief hits all of us differently. I understand her need to grieve in private, without people trying to tell her how sorry they are the whole time.
4. Again, everyone handles grief differently. But no, it was not fair.
5. She’s avoiding her grief, or she has decided to change her life – a usual side effect of trauma and loss.
6. I think she’s sinking into a hole and the less she does, the deeper she sinks.
7. I still think he’s just using her and leading her on.
8. It’s definitely a placating answer – he says the right things so that she doesn’t leave him entirely and he manipulates her the whole time.
9. No, I think Zaid loves the idea of someone loving him and of someone sticking by him even when he’s being a jerk.
10. I think Zaid is a manipulator and he avoids real feelings and the truth when it suits him.
11. Maybe, but then again, maybe not. It’s nice that she’s trying, but so far, she hasn’t had the stamina to stick with her decisions.
Leave a Reply