What do you think of our introduction to Farah?
In the first chapter, we see a lot of comparison between Farah, her mother and her peers. What do you think of this?
When talking about her period cramps, Farah’s mother mentions medication that was prescribed to her. Do you think, based on Farah’s introduction of Dr Moola, that the pain she is experiencing is due to bad medical practice or could it also be her lack of consistency in taking the medication?
Farah judges Danyaal/Daniel for self-hating. Do you think this is hypocritical of Farah, given what we have read so far? Or are her observations accurate?
Do you think that Farah and Daniel should have had the relationship conversation sooner? Do you think this would have changed the way in which Farah interacted with Daniel?
Farah drops on the reader that she learnt at eleven that she was adopted. How do you think this shaped her childhood from that point on?
Farah talks about researching the events around her birth and wonders what life would have been like if she had stayed with her community. What do you think of this? How different do you think Farah’s life would be?
What do you think of Farah’s mother having dementia? Farah’s mother mentions that perhaps her son will give her a grandchild. Do you think that Farah has a sibling or that maybe something happened in the past that her mother forgot in that moment?
8 responses to “Why Am I Like This? Day One”
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1. I love her already. She’s messy, lazy, unsure and yet still certain of who she is. She is completely relatable (especially with the period cramps)
2. I think Farah spends a lot of her time comparing herself to others and having herself compared to others. It makes her unhappy, but it’s like a nervous tick – she can’t help it.
3. Honestly, it could be both. It’s like she says – the doctor only thinks her cramps are caused by her overweightness, but on the other hand, Farah doesn’t take her medication as she should. So…either way.
4. This is very hypocritical of her – she has spent the entire start of the book hating herself because of her weight, her looks and the fact that she’s different from everyone, including her mother.
5. They definitely should have. Spending all that time with someone without clear intentions is looking for trouble… It definitely would have changed the way she interacted with him – she would have had a better understanding of their situation and not gone through so much trouble for him.
6. She had always known that she was different, now it was confirmed. I think she finally understood where she came from a bit better. But I also think the chip on her shoulder (caused by the other kids asking her why she was different, etc) grew after the revelation.
7. I think it’s natural to wonder about what if’s when it comes to our childhood / things we missed out on. However, I do think that she would have been worse-off if she had remainded in that community – her father would have been in prison, her mother dead. The family couldn’t take care of her. She would have ended up in foster care, an orphanage or on the street.
8. I think it’s heartbreaking. I felt incredibly sad for her and the struggles that she is about to face. This definitely intrigued me – perhaps her mother’s old memories are surfacing, now that she has no control over them. I think maybe she did love someone (in a romantic way) or perhaps something happened and she did have a child of her own. I look forward to seeing where this mystery leads. -
Farah frequently serves as a stabilizing influence in the narrative because she is so relatable. I don’t think she’s hypocritical , Farah demonstrates composure, reason, and a consistent level of emotional openness. Farah exemplifies a gentler, more direct style of caregiving. She is a symbol of peaceful love.
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I love her already! She’s so funny and authentic, giving us the unfiltered aspects of her life and her self-depricating, relatable view of the events in her life.
I thought it was an interesting way to convey not only what Farah’s heritage is, but how she felt like an outsider growing up (despite being a child that was a combination of different ethnicities that theoretically could’ve fit in anywhere).
I think it’s due to a lack of consistency in taking her medication, but that she isn’t taking them because of a negative association her mind has created between the fatphobic Dr Moola and her medication. She’ll probably continue to self-sabotage until she finds a way to confront/ work through that.
I think both can be true at once. Danyaal/ Daniel might want to reinvent himself or have some self-loathing tendencies, and Farah could be projecting her own self-hating tendencies onto her view of Danyaal/ Daniel in an attempt to find something that fundamentally connects the two of them together.
It definitely should’ve happened sooner. They could’ve established clearer expectations for how their friendship would be, and Farah could’ve dedicated that time and energy into herself instead of another person who didn’t reciprocate that same energy towards her.
My interpretation of Farah’s childhood memories is that she seems to search for connection and a sense of belonging in the people around her, especially people whom she assigns importance to. So maybe that search for connection started then?
I think it’s normal to take a step back, reflect on how your past or present decisions shaped you, and wonder how your life would’ve turned out if you’d made different choices. Farrah wondering about the types of trajectories her life would’ve taken is no different. I think her life would’ve definitely been different. For one thing, she probably wouldn’t be as close with her mom or Aunty Lilly.
I thought it was quite sad that we spend these opening chapters getting to know Farah through her memories while her mom’s memories are slipping away. Watching a loved one struggle because of dementia is hard, and I’m preparing myself for all the tears I’ll probably cry for the rest of this book.
… It honestly hadn’t crossed my mind until now. I thought that was just the ramblings of a forgetful woman, but now I’m wondering if maybe this is like the film Philomena (where Farah’s mom had a son she had to give up during apartheid or something). -
1. Like everyone else, I love her! She’s so relatable and truly embodies millennial angst.
2. It’s clear Farah has lived a life of comparison, which is understandable given her past and heritage. I can only imagine how difficult it must have been and my heart breaks for her 🙁
3. As a chronic illness sufferer, I am all too familiar with medical gaslighting (which is what this is!!!!!). And while I may not be fat myself, I know all about how much worse medical gaslighting is for those who range above average on the BMI scale (which is a problematic scale itself). Fatphobia is so prevalent in medical practice, even if a lot of them truly believe they are coming from a place of concern for the health of their patients.
4. It’s difficult to know how Daniel/Danyaal truly feels since we don’t get anything from his perspective, but from what Farah has told us, it is clear that he DOES exhibit a sense of identity self-shaming. I don’t think it’s necessarily hypocritical, since Farah has never confirmed or denied her own potential self-hatred. I do believe that what they both feel is more complex than just “self-hatred”. There’s definitely lots of shame and insecurity, but it’s unclear at this point if “hate” is the exact word to describe how they feel about themselves.
5. I do feel like Farah should have brought up her assumptions sooner. Daniel/Danyaal handled the situation terribly (but as someone who did something similar once upon a time, I cannot completely blame him), but Farah was also wrong to automatically jump to the conclusion that they were dating.
6. I cannot imagine what it must be like to be adopted, but I can only believe it must come with a lot of complex emotions that undoubtedly shape your life (even beyond childhood). It must have been extra hard for Farah knowing the way her real parents died.
7. I feel like she might have felt more ‘accepted’ or developed a greater sense of ‘belonging’, even if this meant she would be vastly less privileged than she is now.
8. It makes me wonder if Farah’s mom perhaps had a miscarriage or lost a child before she adopted Farah! After all, her mother had a whole life before she adopted Farah. Anything is possible. The dementia diagnosis is sad. My grandmother had dementia and watching her deteriorate was really difficult, especially since she lived with us and was under our care till the very end.
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I think Farah has a fun personality so I’m entertained by that prospect and ofc eager to see how her life plays out.
I think that Farah tried to bridge the difference of appearances between her mother & her since they looked so different. She perhaps just wanted to fit in and feel not so different appearance wise and like the odd one out. Which is sad honestly.
Now this one is a bit confusing to decide. It could be the inconsistency and overweight aspect impacting her health too but from what I’ve read so far she could have a gynecological health issue such as endometriosis or PCOS or a hormonal problem which could explain the overweightness. The medical field is very messy and unsympathetic thats for sure tho.
I dont think its considered judgemental per say coz Farah’s self issues appear to be different than Daniel’s. The situations differ imo.
Yes much sooner! I feel like Farah was completely stupid to just assume they were dating especially someone at that age. Communication is the key as everyone knows. She’d have saved herself a lot of heartbreak. Daniel too is a bit at fault but it’s mainly Farah’s since she never brought it up with him and discussed.
I didn’t expect that adoption twist. I felt bad for her, you could tell she was already a little affected by the fact that she looked different to her mother and usual classmates so it could have drove her insecurities higher too or feel like she’s not good enough.
I think Farah’s place is with her current mom. She saved her. If she was with her old family she’d have grown up in a messy manner. Things are better here now.
The moment we got shown an inkling of her mother being unwell I knew it was dementia. Its so sad and Farah’s whole life will change ofc due to this diagnosis. I do think her mum has a past thats been hidden from her, all these years. I dont think she forgot its more like her mum hid it from her instead.
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The introduction of Farah was bittersweet in a way that although she and her mum shares a great relationship, the absence of a father figure gives the reader the feeling of an ache of have both parents.
Farahs period pains could be her lack of medication due to her forlorn circumstances
I would think that to an extent that Farah was hypocritical for judging Danyaal as in the first chapter , she described how she was obsessed with wrapping her mums straight black over her own tight curls as well as, on a few occasions, her obsession with her own weight and looks.
Farah and Danyaal should have had the conversation In the start as it would shape the path ahead and could have avoided any nasty emotions and yes it would have helped Farah interact with Danyaal on a different level rather than a romantic relation
Farah being adopted has given her childhood a privilege that maybe alot wouldn’t have gotten
Farah might have had a different life, filled with alot of difficulty and could have been worse off -
1) I loved how we were introduced to Farah. She’s funny, quirky and relatable. She’s unapologetically herself and I love that.
2) It’s an indication that Farah has a bit of an identity crisis and is trying to find her place or a place of belonging/acceptance.
3) I honestly think it’s a combination of both. Farah is inconsistent in taking the medication but this is due to the fact that she does not feel heard by her doctor as Dr Moola attributes all Farah’s ailments to her being overweight.
4) Its definitely hypocritical of her because she is doing the same thing he is yet she’s oblivious to the fact.
5) I wholeheartedly believe they should have communicated their feelings (or lack thereof) sooner, and had clear boundaries in place of what they expected from each other. Farah would have not put in so much effort into her infatuation with him if she’d known he only wanted friendship.
6) I think it was just confirmation of what she already suspected so it wasn’t much of a shock to her but it fueled her identity crisis and sense of wanting to belong.
7) I think it’s normal for her to wonder how her life might have been should she never have been adopted. I think she would have had a much harder life without the privileges she now has and takes for granted.
8) It was heartbreaking to read that her mother has dementia because she literally relied on her mother’s counsel for everything and involved her in all her decisions. I think she might have lost a child and is now thinking about it but it could also be because of her dementia. It’s hard to tell for sure.
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1. She is still figuring herself out and struggling with health/mental health issues.
2. She may be struggling with identity.
3. Think it is a combination of.
4. Yes it is, but at the same time we havent heard Daniel’s perspective.
5. Yes – they were spending a lot of time together without defining what they actually were.
6. She definitely started feeling like she lacks a sense of belonging and identity.
7. It would have been very different, and probably had less opportunities.
8. Thought maybe she definitely has a sibling no one knows of and its probably sad and traumatising to have a parent with such an illness.
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